When I turned on the TV this morning to watch the news, I had momentarily forgotten that today was the anniversary of that horrible day. It was immediately brought back to me with the image of the second tower collapsing right at the moment the TV turned on.
What should have been a happy day for me on that day ten years ago, was turned into one of horror, that I will never forget. I had a doctor's appointment that morning, to have the port removed after completing chemotherapy for breast cancer. I was watching the news and saw that the towers had been hit just before I left for the doctor's office. In the waiting room, I watched the TV in a state of agitation. Returning home, I continued watching the footage and was horrified when I saw the first tower collapsing. The commentator was talking, not realizing what was happening behind him. Later that afternoon, friends came to what was suppose to be a celebration tea, but was now filled with sadness. Realizing the full extent of what happened that day and just how many people were dead, I went into a depression that lasted for many months.
I have lived through too many such days in my lifetime. The day President John F. Kennedy was assassinated, I was home sick from school and saw it all. I saw the footage of the attempted assassination of President Ronald Reagan. The day the space shuttled exploded after take off, I was again watching my favorite morning news show. During the Oklahoma Bombing, I was at the hospital watching TV with my grandmother who had just had surgery to remove her breast. These days are forever etched in my mind along with the worst six weeks of my life. The six weeks from the time our daughter, Jessica, went missing until the day her body was found; raped, murdered and left on a beaver dam in the Flint River.
Why does God let these things happen? All that keeps coming back to my mind is if bad things never happened, how would we ever know the good things people are capable of doing? Were our lives all planned out before we were born? Did these people volunteer to take on this kind of horrific death to learn something? If so, then what of the people who committed these crimes? Did they too, volunteer because they needed to learn something? I can only wonder which would be the hardest to experience?
All through the trial for our daughter's murder, I just sat and wondered what could make a person capable of committing murder? What happened to them in their life that would make them capable of it? I just kept thinking, if I could just figure it out, I could put an end to murder.
I guess some things are just not met for us to know, we just have to trust that God knows what he is doing. It is just so darn hard to accept and live on faith!